there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
