Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
