Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
