He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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