There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
