hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
