Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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