did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
