I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
