I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
