I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
