she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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