somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
