I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
