He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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