Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
