cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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