How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
