found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
