Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What a fucking waste of an outfit
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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