I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
