Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
