Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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