Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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