Christians are straight up FREAKS
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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