I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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