Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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