I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
