Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
