good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
