This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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