and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
