i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
