I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
