you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
