Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
