have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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