God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
