So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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