I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
