I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
