My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
