When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
