i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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