does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
