i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
