Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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