i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
