the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
