she was so not down for the gang bang
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
