do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
